Happy Birthday to Me

I turned 31 yesterday, which would absolutely be unremarkable except for the fact that Justin, my big brother, died when he was 31. That’s a friendly way of putting it, though. Justin took his own life at 31. There, that’s more realistic. I’ve been dreading my birthday for almost the whole year. I was super […]

Functionally, Consistently Depressed

I used to be super sensitive to medication. When I was on Effexor, I was on the lowest recommended dose, and even then I developed a severe allergy to the drug that almost made me hospitalize myself. Since then, I’ve been on Zoloft. It’s been about ten years now, and I can happily say it […]

Good Riddance, 2018

I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet on the blog this year. At first, I was busy trying to piece my life back together after my father’s suicide, and now I’m just trying to find the pieces of myself after my brother’s suicide. I have no hope of putting them back together. It’s like one of those 1000-piece […]

At A Loss

When I was twelve or thirteen years old, my brothers and I stayed up late watching horror movies in the family room. I don’t remember what movies they were, nor does it matter; what matters is what happened afterwards. I slept on the floor in my parents’ bedroom most nights. For some reason, their room […]

One Year Later

Dear Dad, I call you “Gerald” when I’m angry with you. I call you “Dad” when I think about all the things you did for me. I think about you every day: what you’d think of the news (you’d be incredulous), of technology (slightly offended, probably), of a certain movie (would you hate Marvel films […]

And I Was Doing So Well

Do you think Seasonal Affective Disorder can work in reverse? Because I’m starting to think that maybe it can. Case in points: 1. The days are getting longer, which means there’s more time for me to examine all my decisions by the light of day and worry myself into a tizzy or a panic attack. […]

Resting in Pieces

Today is my sixth year anniversary with this blog. I’ve been writing here for longer than I have ever shared my heart with another person, though I could easily say I’ve been sharing my heart with the people who still read this. All six of you (seven, if you count my mom). When I started […]