Here are the things I want this year for Christmas, in no particular order:
- A remote control that switches my perseverating into focus on a task that I actually need to get done as opposed to whatever inane thing is occupying my headspace. It’d be really nice if I could, say, revise the pages I want to revise instead of spending three hours thinking about how my life won’t amount to anything.
- A very specific delusion. Sometimes when I’m really sad, I want to text Justin. I want to be able to send him a message and imagine that, somewhere out in the aether, he receives it. Like maybe his phone passed along with him. But I know that’s not true because his phone is in my desk drawer. Besides that, his phone number has probably been re-issued by now, and I don’t want this exchange to happen:
- Dead Brother’s Old Phone Number: Who dis?
Me: It’s Whitney. I’m sorry, this is going to be really awkward.
DBOPN: Whitney? Who? Why?
Me: This was my oldest brother’s phone number. I just wanted to say hi.
DBOPN: Oh, what happened to him?
Me: He dead.
- To be fair, I’ve had an exchange like that with a telemarketer once in the past year and a half. Someone texted me asking for Justin, and this is what happened:
- A better sleep schedule. Yes, I’m responsible for this myself, but, like. It’d be a lot easier if someone could just give it to me.
One thought on “My Christmas List, 2019”
Whitney you will go down in history as she who broke the Great Gaines Curse.