New Year’s Resolutions: Tips To Follow To Fail Spectacularly.

Ah, yes. It’s that time of year again. What time? You ask, your head tilted slightly to the side like the adorable puppy you are. Well, stinker, it’s that time of year when we all make resolutions to become a better person, and then proceed to take a massive dump on them about three weeks […]

Doomsday Phobia: The Fear of the End of the World

All I can say is, fuck the Mayans. Well, the ancient Mayans. I’m sure present-day Mayans are pretty pleasant. But their calendar has been a source of anguish for many years, going beyond my introduction to the wonderful world of Anxiety Treatment AKA Medication. The Mayan calendar ends December 21st, 2012. I first learned […]

Damsel in Distress, pt. 1

I am not usually helpless. I am very good at taking care of myself–you have to be when you have an anxiety disorder; otherwise, your head will probably explode. And that really doesn’t help when you’re trying to look cute. Usually, I am very, very careful about everything. I am one of those people who […]

Introduction

Well, hello, friends. I’ve been a busy bee. And I’ve written something that I would like to share for feedback, and to let you know that I’m still writing like a fiend. I just have time issues for when I can post (right now, for example, my students are working on an extra-credit test assignment […]

The Haze has Lifted!

I woke up a few days ago, and for the first time in months, I wanted to write. I was desperate to write. I was like Lindsay Lohan in a jewelry store: I couldn’t help myself. I just had to do it. It was all I could think about. (Except for the fact that […]

Travel Tip #1: Don’t Be A Buttface

As I sat in the airport at midnight during the fourth hour of our delay, I learned the first rule of travel: don’t be a bitch. No, seriously. Don’t be one. No entity cares about your travel plans. Not God, or Jesus, or that chocolate cake beckoning you from the corner over there. So when […]

The Big College Send-Off

Hello, beautiful readers! I am back in Colorado after a sixteen hour car drive through California, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. It’s good to be home, and it’s good to be writing again. It’s Tuesday, which means it’s Haiku day… but I didn’t post anything yesterday. Which means–hold on to your butts–TWO posts today! Holy cowabunga, […]

Bromidrosiphobia

The name of this phobia couldn’t be more perfect if it tried. It brings to mind drunken, sweaty frat boys wearing tank-tops and baseball caps, drinking from red solo cups and belching indiscriminately. If that image doesn’t conjure up a sense of fear (or disgust) in your belly, congratulations, you don’t have a soul. Or […]

Cleithrophobia: Fear of Being Locked/Shut In

This was, perhaps, my only justified phobia. That doesn’t make it any less stupid. Little kids are adventurers, confined to the boundaries that adults or other children (tentatively titled “teenagers,” when “hormonal little pricks” is probably more accurate). We cram ourselves into cupboards or dog kennels, we play hide-n-seek and have such good spots that […]

Arithmophobia, or, Why Math Sucks (And is Also Awesome)

Math is my nemesis. It is the Luther to my Superman, the Decipticon to my Bumblebee, the Mojo Jojo to my Buttercup. I feel like most writers can empathize with the struggle to control numbers, as we use the right side of our brain to do really complex things like write beautiful sentences, paint-by-numbers, and […]