Happy Publication Day! Please make your way over to Entropy to read my essay, “The Last Family Vacation.” Let me know what you think!Read More Head On Over to Entropy
TW: Self-harm, mental health issues. Generally speaking, the best part of the New Year is the chance to make all these promises to ourselves about the person we want to be and then promptly break them the second someone brings in a chocolate cake into work. This year, however, one of my self-improvement resolutions is […]Read More New Year, New Me–dications
It’s me. I know what you’re thinking. It’s been forever, Whitney. We’ve totally forgotten about you. And I get it. I’ve largely forgotten about the blog, too, but mostly because the cycle of grief and work and depression has really made doing something fun like this seem absolutely impossible. But guess what? I’m not too depressed […]Read More Oh Hey
I have officially been single for one month. Though I don’t know what “officially” means, since the relationship never was confirmed on Facebook, so I couldn’t make it officially “over” via Facebook either. . . If a relationship status is never updated, does that mean the relationship wasn’t real? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Kind of. […]Read More Happy Monthaversary to Me!
This is the list of things to do when you find yourself heartbroken, or bored, or depressed, or lonely, or hungry, or slightly (or extremely!) constipated: 1.Write about it. Write in your journal until your wrist hurts and you worry that you’ve developed carpal tunnel or arthritis or gangrene or leprosy. Then crack your wrist […]Read More The To-Do List
Mid-last week, I decided to make a list about all the Great Things About Being Single Again. The number one thing on that list? How much longer a tube of toothpaste will last me. When I discovered that, I laughed for a solid eight minutes. It was one of those side-aching, cheeks-hurting kind of laughs. […]Read More Hello. It’s Me.
My blog has generally been a place where I turn tragedy into comedy. But the thing is, you can only turn a personal tragedy into comedy. You can’t be like, “oh, ha, ha, the holocaust was so funny,” because there is no way to make that hilarious. But you CAN be like, “remember when […]Read More Hey, You.
I have tried to sit down to write this post like a zillion times and then my Anxiety Voice kicks in and gives me the sweats. Like this: Hey, Whitney. No one reads your blog anymore. Literally, no one. You’ve fallen from your position as a recommended humor writer and everyone thinks you suck because […]Read More You’re A Writer, Aren’t You?
Here is my Christmas list for the year. I know, I know. It’s very late. But you see, the magic of Christmas is that you don’t actually give a fuck what I write, but I can write it anyway and send it out into “the universe” and hopefully “the universe” will be like, “oh-hay, here’s […]Read More Dear Santa
This is less a story about bowling and more of a story about failure. The kind of failure that happens even when there are a zillion safeguards in place to make sure you can’t fail. When you fail when literally everything is built to make you succeed. It’s these kind of stories that turn boys […]Read More We Need to Talk About Bowling