My blog has generally been a place where I turn tragedy into comedy. But the thing is, you can only turn a personal tragedy into comedy. You can’t be like, “oh, ha, ha, the holocaust was so funny,” because there is no way to make that hilarious. But you CAN be like, “remember when […]Read More Hey, You.
I have tried to sit down to write this post like a zillion times and then my Anxiety Voice kicks in and gives me the sweats. Like this: Hey, Whitney. No one reads your blog anymore. Literally, no one. You’ve fallen from your position as a recommended humor writer and everyone thinks you suck because […]Read More You’re A Writer, Aren’t You?
Here is my Christmas list for the year. I know, I know. It’s very late. But you see, the magic of Christmas is that you don’t actually give a fuck what I write, but I can write it anyway and send it out into “the universe” and hopefully “the universe” will be like, “oh-hay, here’s […]Read More Dear Santa
This is less a story about bowling and more of a story about failure. The kind of failure that happens even when there are a zillion safeguards in place to make sure you can’t fail. When you fail when literally everything is built to make you succeed. It’s these kind of stories that turn boys […]Read More We Need to Talk About Bowling
Hey, you guys! Quick confession: I’m one of those people who used to have/still struggles with/occasionally kicks the ass of an eating disorder. I used to compulsively weigh myself and take my measurements several times daily. It was like I was looking for proof that the Chipotle burrito I’d annihilated was taking root in my […]Read More My Fitness Tracker is The Devil
Please, please hire me. My crazy is getting worse. You know it’s bad when you can recognize that your crazy has reached a new level. I’ve gone from “charmingly quirky” to “super duper neurotic” over the past five months. Know how I know? Today Atreyu and I had a discussion about my new pair of […]Read More I need to be fully employed
I was eating dinner last night, much like I do every night. It was especially delicious, and I was very proud of myself and savoured each bite. Then I looked at the last bite of my meal, and I thought, Well, I’ll be damned if I don’t make the best damn sandwich ever. And then […]Read More A Profound, Terrible Thought
I was sitting on the couch next to Atreyu playing spider solitaire–oh my God, I didn’t realize the hilarity of that until this moment–when I glanced down at my cleavage… Stop judging me. I am wont to do that sometimes, as I assume lots of ladies are. Or maybe I’m special because my brain feels […]Read More Conversations With Anxiety: Eight Legged Freaks
This is like a month of panic attacks handed to me on a nice silver platter by an old white (and obviously) British butler whose name is Failure. (Imagine Michael Caine as Alfred perpetually disapproving of everything I do, and you’ll see what’s in my brain.) But, since I’ve had trouble with follow through lately, and […]Read More National Blog Writing Month
The top 5 things I’ve learned in my 25 years on this planet. Man, that’s a challenge. I hope you guys don’t expect me to be like super duper profound right now because all I can think about is how I need to go grocery shopping since literally the only thing I have left to […]Read More A Quarter Century in Review, Part 2