TW: Self-harm, mental health issues. Generally speaking, the best part of the New Year is the chance to make all these promises to ourselves about the person we want to be and then promptly break them the second someone brings in a chocolate cake into work. This year, however, one of my self-improvement resolutions is […]Read More New Year, New Me–dications
I used to be super sensitive to medication. When I was on Effexor, I was on the lowest recommended dose, and even then I developed a severe allergy to the drug that almost made me hospitalize myself. Since then, I’ve been on Zoloft. It’s been about ten years now, and I can happily say it […]Read More Functionally, Consistently Depressed
Do you think Seasonal Affective Disorder can work in reverse? Because I’m starting to think that maybe it can. Case in points: 1. The days are getting longer, which means there’s more time for me to examine all my decisions by the light of day and worry myself into a tizzy or a panic attack. […]Read More And I Was Doing So Well
Missing out on the job I’ve wanted for five years knocked the air out of my lungs. The Big Breakup Heartbreak pushed me to the ground and rubbed my face in the dirt. It left me feeling disoriented and unsure of myself. The Little Breakup Heartbreak gouged open old wounds and left me scared of […]Read More Perspective
I have officially been single for one month. Though I don’t know what “officially” means, since the relationship never was confirmed on Facebook, so I couldn’t make it officially “over” via Facebook either. . . If a relationship status is never updated, does that mean the relationship wasn’t real? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Kind of. […]Read More Happy Monthaversary to Me!
Mid-last week, I decided to make a list about all the Great Things About Being Single Again. The number one thing on that list? How much longer a tube of toothpaste will last me. When I discovered that, I laughed for a solid eight minutes. It was one of those side-aching, cheeks-hurting kind of laughs. […]Read More Hello. It’s Me.
It began, as it always does, with Florida–the nation’s phallus. Around 7:30PM on November 8th, I paced around my mom’s kitchen eating ice cream and praying to whichever God likes girls who stress-eat ice cream while pacing around their mother’s kitchens. When Florida went for Trump, I started sobbing. I know that I tend to […]Read More The Downward Spiral
Every morning I stand and look at the drawer that holds my pills. Did I take these yet? Yes. Are you sure? No. So, I should take them again? Well… If you accidentally double your dose, you’ll probably die. I take SERTRALINE. Not, like, Vicodin or something. Yeah, but you’re super sensitive to medication. You’ll […]Read More Over-dosed and Crippled by Alzheimer’s (Daily Conversations with Anxiety)
I woke up a few days ago, and for the first time in months, I wanted to write. I was desperate to write. I was like Lindsay Lohan in a jewelry store: I couldn’t help myself. I just had to do it. It was all I could think about. (Except for the fact that […]Read More The Haze has Lifted!
I’m not going to offer an explanation as to why I haven’t written anything in a month; no, I’m going to tell you a story. My depression starts at the back of my esophagus. It begins as a small hole, only noticeable at three in the morning when I trace shapes with my eyes on […]Read More Depression