Bodyodyodyodyodyodyody

There’s something about bleeding out of your butthole that really makes you question your life choices. Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. We need to get to the bottom of this and work our way up. (Fair warning, I go absolutely HAM on the poop jokes in this post) Around this time two years ago, […]

Hello. It’s Me.

Mid-last week, I decided to make a list about all the Great Things About Being Single Again. The number one thing on that list? How much longer a tube of toothpaste will last me. When I discovered that, I laughed for a solid eight minutes. It was one of those side-aching, cheeks-hurting kind of laughs. […]

Daily Conversations with Anxiety: Insecurity

What if he doesn’t like you? Anxiety, he flew 1900 miles to spend the weekend with me. He’s one of my best friends. Yeah, but what if he’s just using you? He’s just using you. You know that, right? Nobody ever really likes you. You are really annoying sometimes, brain. HE FLEW TO SEE ME! […]

The Lowest Form of Whit

Ah, anger. Nice to see you again, Arch Nemesis. Anger is such a waste of space. Instead of the butterflies I normally have flitting about my stomach in fields of rainbow-flavored stomach acid, the past week I’ve had African Killer Bees buzzing around, flying out of my finger tips when I try to type, or […]

New Year’s Resolutions: Tips To Follow To Fail Spectacularly.

Ah, yes. It’s that time of year again. What time? You ask, your head tilted slightly to the side like the adorable puppy you are. Well, stinker, it’s that time of year when we all make resolutions to become a better person, and then proceed to take a massive dump on them about three weeks […]

If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: Casanova

WANT TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE? CLICK HERE-35(Wherever you want me to be, baby) Are you in an abusive relationship? Does your man not understand you? Is the love of your life ignoring you? I can solve all of those problems. Let me rescue you, woo you, charm your pants off (literally), love […]