I’ve been 25 for four whole weeks now, without once shaving off all my hair (just the half that’s already shaved, thank you), or buying a sports car, or–more realistically–buying out the local Whole Foods of all the chocolate and chocolate-related foodstuffs and eating them guiltily in a corner while Atreyu looks at me thinking, maybe […]Read More 25: A Quarter Century In Review
Dear Flight Attendant on flight 2026 from Phoenix to Philadelphia last Friday, February 27th, at 11:50 PM: If you have to open a sentence with, “I’m not a bitch, but…” guess what? You’re a bitch. Also, you’re a flight attendant and you’re working and you probably shouldn’t be using that kind of language. This isn’t […]Read More An Open Letter to US Airways
Mhmm, that’s right, uh-huh, oh NO. Fix yourself girl, you’ve got a cameltoe! The lyrics to the song get stuck in my head whenever I’m at the gym. Which is all the time, because, really, why not? I like exercise and it likes me. Except, of course for my clothing. I wear these: And I […]Read More Daily Conversations With Anxiety: You’re Grossing Everyone Out
Ah, yes. It’s that time of year again. What time? You ask, your head tilted slightly to the side like the adorable puppy you are. Well, stinker, it’s that time of year when we all make resolutions to become a better person, and then proceed to take a massive dump on them about three weeks […]Read More New Year’s Resolutions: Tips To Follow To Fail Spectacularly.
All I can say is, fuck the Mayans. Well, the ancient Mayans. I’m sure present-day Mayans are pretty pleasant. But their calendar has been a source of anguish for many years, going beyond my introduction to the wonderful world of Anxiety Treatment AKA Medication. The Mayan calendar ends December 21st, 2012. I first learned […]Read More Doomsday Phobia: The Fear of the End of the World