The Mom and A Whit In Black: Guest Blog

Hey, gang! Make your way over to The Mom In Black for a special guest post on what my children are like! (Newsflash: I don’t have any children. Unless you count all the half-children swimming around in my ovaries, and the other half of those children swimming around in some stranger’s cojones… GROSS. I’m going to adopt) No, no, the post is a letter dedicated to my future children.

But before you go read it, read up on The Mom In Black and let her make you laugh! Questions and commentary on the answers provided by moi. Answers provided by TMIB.

1. Hi! Welcome to Highest Form of Whit! What brought you here?
Honestly? A random search. But I searched for “humor” so hey, good job!

Whit says: SWEET. Every time someone thinks I’m funny, an angel gets its wings. Or, more likely, a little kid gets poked in the eye. In a friendly manner, of course.

2. Why did you ask Whit to blog for you?
Well, I read a few of Whit’s posts and thought, “Hey! She reminds me of me! I mean, a slightly more free me who’s not afraid of what would go down if her grandma caught her typing bad words for God and the world to read.”

And let’s be real. A smarter me, too. *sad face*

Whit says: Smarter? Puh-lease. I walk into immobile objects constantly. Sometimes I put my underwear on backwards. I wish I was kidding.

3. Give us a little information. What’s your blog about?
It’s about me finding a way to channel my feelings in a more healthy way than my standard way of dealing with them-eating them. I’m pretty high stress, easily irritated, a new stay-at-home-mom and I like to make jokes at my own expense and write the way I speak. So, you know. Recipe for a blog, I guess!

Whit says: It’s about hilarity and motherhood. Bottle-fed sarcasm. Diaper-rash humor. Baby jokes!

4. What’s your ABSOLUTE favorite thing to write about?
Hmm…probably my stress/anxiety. I’ll admit it. I get straight up crazy sometimes. But I’m also hilarious as far as moms go. You know. “Mom funny.” So, if it takes laughing at myself (and sometimes other crazy moms) to calm myself down, then so be it. Writing it out (and re-reading my jokes) makes me forget that I just recently wanted to lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine and a straw.

Whit says: Do you wear mom jeans? Because… then I don’t know if we can be friends.

5. What do you want new readers to know about your blog?
Like I said, I write the way I speak. Like, exactly. I recently wrote this mini book about how pregnancy sucks a$$ and gave it to a friend after she had her son. I told her I wanted to do a live reading for her because she really needed to hear the delivery. She told me my voice was the only thing she could hear. So, you could say I’m the “everymom’s mom.” Or you could say I never mentally progressed past 8th grade. Whatever. I had fun in 8th grade.

Whit says: Oh my god, we’re soul-mates. Not the pregnancy part… ew. But the 8th grade part.

6. If you had to choose between Wolverine and Superman who would you choose? Wolverine is immortal, and has the ability to heal from everything. Superman wears tights and is impervious to most things, except kryptonite. Choose carefully.
I don’t even need time to think. Wolverine and I will tell you why. 1) Wolverine is a BAMF and doesn’t care. About anything. 2) Superman is an alien. No thanks. 3) I would use those hand knives for all kinds of stuff. 4) In the cartoon, Wolverine wore some sweet yellow tights so the Superman tights argument is out. 5) My husband wants to marry Wolverine. This way we could stay together AND he could live out a fantasy. It’s a win/win. And I love winning.

Whit says: DUDE. WOLVERINE IS THE BEST. He was always my favorite.

7. Quick thinking! What’s your favorite joke?
I take every “that’s what she said” opportunity the good Lord will give me. My greatest joy in life is to deliver killer that’s-what-she-said’s.

Whit says: Seriously? Stop having my brain. Stop it. Right now.

8. Lastly, why the name?
A few reasons. I’m a mom so there’s that. My sense of humor and general outlook on life is a little black. I also gained approximately 8,000 pounds while pregnant with my second baby (who was born in March) and black is just a much more forgiving color than say, a light blue or white (actually hideous). Plus, The Mom in Black always makes me sing the Men in Black theme song. Again, win/win.

Whit says: And here I was thinking it was a reference to the Daniel Radcliffe horror movie, The Woman In Black. Boy, was I off. Though that may also be a fitting description, no? Alas, motherhood is its own form of horror movie. Lots of poop. Too. Much. Poop.

Men in Black reference? You’re fucking awesome.

Special thanks to The Mom In Black for asking me to write for her, and for letting me riddle her with ridiculous questions. Please go check out my guest post here, and make sure to read her blog! It made me chuckle and forget my fear of giving birth, so it MUST be good.