Daily Conversations With Anxiety: I Killed My Dog

Atreyu ran back and forth from my roommate to myself, whining. He jumped up on the teal leather couch beside me, only to jump off and skitter onto the couch where my roommate was typing. He tried to climb into her lap. “He’s needy tonight,” I said. “I wonder what’s got him all riled up.” […]

Night Terrors

The electricity bill at my house growing up must have been quite a lot, because I rarely slept with the lights off. Lights out meant my dolls would come alive and plot my demise with my beanie babies. Lights out meant that the ghost in my bathtub would wander free. Lights out meant that the […]

The Day in the Life of an MFA Grad Student

7:30 AM. The alarm goes off. Snooze alarm until 8. Frantically shower, dress, feed yourself and your dog, take Atreyu for a walk. 9:15 AM. Leave for work. Arrive by 9:20. 9:30-11 AM. Sit in on your Contemporary Literature class. Take notes as to what the professor discusses and what your students discuss. Also, write […]

The Lowest Form of Whit

Ah, anger. Nice to see you again, Arch Nemesis. Anger is such a waste of space. Instead of the butterflies I normally have flitting about my stomach in fields of rainbow-flavored stomach acid, the past week I’ve had African Killer Bees buzzing around, flying out of my finger tips when I try to type, or […]

St. Christopher Says… Screw You

St. Christopher is the patron saint of travel. He’s the guy you pray to to make sure you arrive at location B safe and sound, and that your journey from A to B is full of exactly what you want it to be full of. He’s the one to make sure you don’t get a […]

You Asked, and I Answered

Warning: I say swear words a couple of times in this post. Like, actually say them. Because this is a video of me. Thanks all for your questions! It’s a long video, but I hope you stick around until the end. Because I do something spectacularly nerdy for all of you. Also there is a […]

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (And the Whitney)

A few days ago, I was completely shocked and astonished when I checked my blog and noticed that we had past the 5,000 followers mark. FIVE-THOUSAND PEOPLE FOLLOW ME?! Holy balls. That’s a lot. It’s an incredible feeling to know that this little blog that I started a year and a half ago has created […]

Surprise!

Generalized Anxiety Disorder and surprises don’t go well together. As a child, my brothers capitalized on this: they would wait, patiently, silently, behind doors or corners and pop out to yell in my face. It worked like a charm and produced the desired effect of tears, and made me paranoid to the point where I […]

The Mom and A Whit In Black: Guest Blog

Hey, gang! Make your way over to The Mom In Black for a special guest post on what my children are like! (Newsflash: I don’t have any children. Unless you count all the half-children swimming around in my ovaries, and the other half of those children swimming around in some stranger’s cojones… GROSS. I’m going […]

If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: Richard Pryor

Ah, If Historical Figures Were Alive Today. How I’ve missed you. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a psychic medium able to communicate with the dead. that’s approximately 90% bullshit and 10% truth. The 10% comes from all the times I played the Ace Game or with the Ouiji board in middle school. […]