Travel Tip #1: Haikus

Batman fights crime and I fight bad attitudes and together we win Delta Airlines is limbo for world travelers and eats people’s souls Delta Airlines should be called Delta Disasters: Fuck Your Travel Plans gingerbread cookies can only soothe a troubled mind to an extent AND COMING SOON: Travel Diaries #2: Amsterdamnit, part one! […]

Travel Tip #1: Don’t Be A Buttface

As I sat in the airport at midnight during the fourth hour of our delay, I learned the first rule of travel: don’t be a bitch. No, seriously. Don’t be one. No entity cares about your travel plans. Not God, or Jesus, or that chocolate cake beckoning you from the corner over there. So when […]

The Prodigal Daughter Returns! (An Exercise in Modesty… Just Kidding)

Well, HELLO, beautiful loves! You’re looking svelte! Is that a new haircut? New shirt? New laptop? Whatever you’ve done, it’s working. Let me start with a brief apology: I’m sorry I fell off the face of the internet. Traveling through Europe, I discovered that I did not have consistent internet access, nor the time to […]

Look what I got you!

I went to Brugge and decided to get each of my followers a present. Boy, do they melt in your mouth.

European Adventures

Hello, beautiful readers! It is I, Whitney, your blog overlord/best friend/unicorn enthusiast. Today, I leave for Europe. Hold the screams and the tears. This doesn’t mean I’m going to completely stop blogging (although it may seem like I have). In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I will be writing.A lot. Well, maybe not a lot. […]

Poetry Project Saturday: Uncle Doug’s “Blues”

I’m sorry that this is so terribly out of order, I have gotten very mixed up in the move, and this is the poem I found fastest. Still a work in progress, for my Uncle Doug. His word was “Blues” (Hence the title of this post). Blues My fathers father and his father found freedom […]

If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: The “Unsinkable” Molly Brown

Molly Brown: You mean to tell me if I had just waited 100 years, there wouldn’t have BEEN an iceberg to crash into on the trip over? And Kathy Bates played me? Really? Man, you guys suck.

The Big College Send-Off: Haikus (And Another Frat Digression)

Batman Underwear couldn’t make the fountain run any less lonely The Fratties came out to play in the fountains and give people herpes The Finger Fountain sums up my feelings about fraternity boys. The fountains were cleaned the sorostitutes came out of hiding to play All I wanted from my school was a memory that […]

The Big College Send-Off

Hello, beautiful readers! I am back in Colorado after a sixteen hour car drive through California, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah. It’s good to be home, and it’s good to be writing again. It’s Tuesday, which means it’s Haiku day… but I didn’t post anything yesterday. Which means–hold on to your butts–TWO posts today! Holy cowabunga, […]

30 Minutes of Madness: Making Dreams Come True

We all have goals and dreams and plans. For instance, twenty years from now I expect to be a best-selling author who has her own colony on the moon as well as a pet Jaguar who speaks English. They may not be lofty goals, but they are all mine. When was the last time you […]