This is fine.

Cool! Cool cool cool cool cool.

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There’s something about bleeding out of your butthole that really makes you question your life choices. Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. We need to get to the bottom of this and work our way up. (Fair warning, I go absolutely HAM on the poop jokes in this post) Around this time two years ago, […]

The Downward Spiral

It began, as it always does, with Florida–the nation’s phallus. Around 7:30PM on November 8th, I paced around my mom’s kitchen eating ice cream and praying to whichever God likes girls who stress-eat ice cream while pacing around their mother’s kitchens. When Florida went for Trump, I started sobbing. I know that I tend to […]

Our Voices Matter

I stopped writing after the election. I didn’t write my morning pages. I only wrote poetry when I had to, which was once every other Friday for work. I didn’t touch my book. I couldn’t even look at my blog. I mean, no one else was looking at my blog, either, so I didn’t feel […]

26 is The New 25

I turned 26 last Friday. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, but Whitney! You don’t act a day over 12! Or look a day over however much younger you would like to look or act! Thanks, reader. That makes me feel really good about myself! I DON’T look a day over fetus. I spent my […]

Conversations With Anxiety: Fucking Go to Sleep Already, Whitney

The later I stay up, the more time my mind has to be an asshole. Hey, Whitney. You aren’t going to finish your thesis. You won’t have a place to live when you move back. You suck at yoga. Your face is breaking out. You don’t have a job anymore. How does it feel to […]

Over-dosed and Crippled by Alzheimer’s (Daily Conversations with Anxiety)

Every morning I stand and look at the drawer that holds my pills. Did I take these yet? Yes. Are you sure? No. So, I should take them again? Well… If you accidentally double your dose, you’ll probably die. I take SERTRALINE. Not, like, Vicodin or something. Yeah, but you’re super sensitive to medication. You’ll […]

When I Open My Eyes (Daily Conversations With Anxiety)

The ghost that haunts your house will be standing at the foot of your bed again, watching you sleep. No, she won’t. Also… I’m going to pretend there’s no ghost here, thanks. No, seriously. Open your eyes. She is STARING RIGHT AT YOU. Oh my god, is she licking her lips? Whitney, you’ve got to […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: I (Probably Don’t) Have Herpes

Is it possible to get Herpes on your leg? Like, on your knee? It could be bug bites. Or razor burn, I guess. But I’m about 90% sure that it’s Herpes.I would get Herpes on my knee. I’m just that lucky. Google tells me, probably not. But Google also tells me that it could be […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: I Killed My Dog

Atreyu ran back and forth from my roommate to myself, whining. He jumped up on the teal leather couch beside me, only to jump off and skitter onto the couch where my roommate was typing. He tried to climb into her lap. “He’s needy tonight,” I said. “I wonder what’s got him all riled up.” […]