2013 wasn’t a particularly bad year for me. It was filled with the same ups and downs as most people experience plus the heightened awareness of the roller coaster thanks to my anxiety. In 2013, I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had, I celebrated my second year of survival, I was heartbroken and angrier than I’ve ever been, I reached 5,000 followers, and I learned that I definitely do NOT have knee herpes. I also moved to New York, started graduate school, and started teaching the “masses” of undergraduates that came my way. (Hi, guys!)
I got ready to party last night and ring in a new year filled with (hopefully) more good adventures than bad. I was ready to shed off 2013 like my outer athlete and embrace 2014 like my inner fat kid (Whilst maintaining both).
And then my body said, fuck you right in the nose.
5 PM: Dinner, split a glass of red wine with my mom. Drank lots and lots of water. Lots and LOTS.
630 PM: Returned home, told my mom I felt nauseous. Did nothing about it.
830 PM: arrived at the party. Had one glass of white wine.
930 PM: Had another glass of white wine. And some Pirate’s Booty. And puppy chow. And baked Brie.
1030 PM: Had another glass of wine, and a sip of some fireball (Why would anyone ever drink that?).
This glass of wine lasted me until midnight. When I had a sip of some champagne. I didn’t finish my last glass of wine.
Midnight: Sips of some champagne.
1230 AM 2014: Explosive sickness.
1245-430: Lots and lots of sick. All kinds of sickness. Couldn’t hold water down. Indian food does NOT taste as good coming back up, especially when it was really spicy to begin with. Around 1:30, I began to violently have the shivers. I was promptly covered with two blankets, including a down blanket, which did nothing other than insulate my coldness.
I named the toilet Frank. We became best friends.
I didn’t have that much to drink, and I paced myself well–one drink per hour.
Nay, said my anxiety, I am going to make you feel like you are dying tonight. Because you are an idiot and it is fun to watch you suffer. You are an alcoholic, I’ve decided. So I am going to punish you.
I’ve been trying to hold on to the diluted jello-water I’ve been drinking. I can’t stand for longer than a few minutes, and I’ve been fluctuating between boiling hot and freezing.
2014, you can go suck a dick.