Seriously, Brain?

I woke up yesterday drenched in a cold sweat. My fists were clenched into balls and my arms were crossed.

I have a lot of nightmares, so I’m used to waking up like that. What I’m not used to is having a really, really dumb nightmare.

But, in all honesty, I should probably expect that by now.

What did I dream about, you ask? What made me scream in frustration and agony in my sleep and writhe myself awake? What made me sweat while sleeping? What anxiety dream highlighted all my social awkwardness in a way that doesn’t even make sense?

You must be thinking that I had one of those showing-up-at-school-naked dreams. Or maybe one of those dreams where all your teeth fall out for no apparent reason. Or maybe one of those dreams where your brakes don’t work and you slide through each intersection that you come across (does anyone else have those dreams all the time). Or maybe a dream where you’re naked, toothless, and unable to drive–so basically a dream where I was a baby.

Any of those things would have made more sense, and would have been stressful for reasons of their own (especially the tooth one. CHEWING IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED ACTIVITY, PEOPLE). But no, my disorder likes to make me worry about things where there is nothing to worry about, so, sure enough, I had a nightmare about.

….

…….

Writing checks.

Yes, you read that right. In my dream, I couldn’t remember how to write someone’s name on a check. I was at a wedding reception and trying to finish the card I had bought them hastily (that DOES sound like me). When it came time to write the check, I didn’t know how to spell their names. Do I do Mr. and Mrs blah-blah-blah? Or Lily and James (yes, those were their names… hello, nerd unconscious) So-and-So? Then I couldn’t remember how to spell Lily. Rip out a check. Then I spelled James wrong. Void a check. Then I couldn’t decide which order to put their names. Void a check. Then I couldn’t remember what amount I wanted to write the check for, so first I wrote it for $1400, after copying the names on someone else’s check (because, apparently, I had given up on writing their names). Voided that check, because I didn’t like the newlyweds THAT much. Decided on the correct amount, but couldn’t figure out how to write it. And then, when I finally remembered how to format a check, I was out of checks.

And then I woke up.

Seriously, Brain?