You’re A Writer, Aren’t You?

I have tried to sit down to write this post like a zillion times and then my Anxiety Voice kicks in and gives me the sweats. Like this:

Hey, Whitney. No one reads your blog anymore. Literally, no one. You’ve fallen from your position as a recommended humor writer and everyone thinks you suck because you don’t write. You’re terrible. You’re the worst. All of your sentences suck. You should just give up and live in the garage and steal your old Russian Lady Neighbor’s white wine when she leaves it in her space because you’re allergic to white wine and it will kill you faster. You call yourself a writer but when was the last time you wrote anything besides a lesson plan? 

Though to be fair, I rarely write those all the way down.

But my anxiety voice has convinced me that you all hate me. That no one reads my blog and no one WANTS to read my blog because I’m an awful human being with a weird nose and adult acne.

But at least I’m not this guy. So there’s that.

I have all these IDEAS for blog posts and then I will walk around a little bit and decide that no one wants to read the funny things I have to say about Ted Cruz and how I have anxiety dreams where he is simultaneously trying to overturn gay marriage while watching lesbian porn and masturbating with his tears and muttering, “oh, Jesus,” over and over again.

Was that a bit much? I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry.

But I’ve been struggling with my writing lately. With calling myself a writer. Mostly because I teach more than I write, even though I teach only like six hours a week. I find it a lot harder to commit to my craft when I have lots of free time and Smule Piano and weight-lifting sessions to look forward to.

I do shit like this so I can get perfect scores on the Daily Challenge… Also I would never dress like this, just in case anyone was wondering. This is not me. This is just some jacked lady whose back is going to hurt a lot someday.

So I got this thing called a Passion Planner (I never realized how disgusting that sounds until just now) that helps me keep track of all my goals, and one of them was writing more. So my focus in February, the anniversary month of my blog, is to get back to the thing I love doing most. Which is telling you all about the shitty things my brain says to me and then eating a lot of chocolate to deal with it.


I’m back, bitches. For reals this time.

21 thoughts on “You’re A Writer, Aren’t You?

  1. I get this as well! Practically abandoned my blog for two months because of it. I am back in to the swing of things now though 🙂 Hope you can stay consistent, I love you’re blog!

  2. I suppose I’m going straight to Hell for enjoying this post, but I get a little lift from knowing that a much more established blogger has many of the same insecure thoughts that I do.

    PS: Thanks for explaining what a Passion Planner is – had I seen something with that title in one of my daughters’ houses, I would have wondered.

  3. Hey, Anxiety Voice! You’re dumb and everything you say is stupid. No one likes you; go play by yourself.

    Also, I offer up all the candidates for mocking. It’s a lot more fun than voting for (any of) them, and it might find you new readers.

  4. I’m having that I-need-to-blog-I-need-to-blog-I-need-to-effing-blog nagging voice like ALL THE TIME. Thank you for posting this, which is plenty motivation that together we as writers can conquer the desire to create & blog happily ever after. Good luck with your passion planner (which sorta sounds like s journal for sex goals).

  5. I feel the same. Mostly I publish Harry Potter fan fiction in about 7 or 8 paragraphs at a time. Hoping someone is interested enough to read the next 7 or 8 or maybe even past stories that were also done in whole or in part. I also did one combining the universe of the Hallows stories( adult fiction) with the Warriors stories(children’s fiction). Since most fan fiction requires that the reader be somewhat familiar with worlds being dealt with, my audience appears to be small. I do like your blogs and hope you enjoy mine.

  6. I, too, teach very little this semester. I, too, am getting back into my writing. I, too, wonder if anyone reads my blog. If we’re as similar as I think we are, you’re doing both okay and terribly right now. With blogging, I start drafts IN the WordPress blog so it feels like a baby start. For fiction writing, I have a standing 7-9 date with myself at a cafe every Tuesday. I picked Tuesday because that’s when my writing group used to meet, but I got mad at them and quit.

  7. Everyone has anxiety voice (well everyone I know!) Anxiety voice can buzz off. Your very funny just referring to this as we all nod and agree as we have all been there! Don’t hold back girl!

  8. Don’t stop, never give up, and other encouraging things! I go through this cycle every 3 months or so. I also recently finished my first novel and shopping it around is like a cycle of roundhouse kicks to the ego. So, I feel you (especially on the adult acne), and want you to keep going!

  9. Your anxiety voice sounds like sort of a dick, but whatever. More people would read your blog, if you posted a picture of yourself in knee high green socks lifting heavy weights. I know I would come by more often for sure, and really, isn’t that all that matters? Hope you’re doing well!

Jump in; the water's fine!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s