I have tried to sit down to write this post like a zillion times and then my Anxiety Voice kicks in and gives me the sweats. Like this:
Hey, Whitney. No one reads your blog anymore. Literally, no one. You’ve fallen from your position as a recommended humor writer and everyone thinks you suck because you don’t write. You’re terrible. You’re the worst. All of your sentences suck. You should just give up and live in the garage and steal your old Russian Lady Neighbor’s white wine when she leaves it in her space because you’re allergic to white wine and it will kill you faster. You call yourself a writer but when was the last time you wrote anything besides a lesson plan?
Though to be fair, I rarely write those all the way down.
But my anxiety voice has convinced me that you all hate me. That no one reads my blog and no one WANTS to read my blog because I’m an awful human being with a weird nose and adult acne.
I have all these IDEAS for blog posts and then I will walk around a little bit and decide that no one wants to read the funny things I have to say about Ted Cruz and how I have anxiety dreams where he is simultaneously trying to overturn gay marriage while watching lesbian porn and masturbating with his tears and muttering, “oh, Jesus,” over and over again.
Was that a bit much? I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry.
But I’ve been struggling with my writing lately. With calling myself a writer. Mostly because I teach more than I write, even though I teach only like six hours a week. I find it a lot harder to commit to my craft when I have lots of free time and Smule Piano and weight-lifting sessions to look forward to.
So I got this thing called a Passion Planner (I never realized how disgusting that sounds until just now) that helps me keep track of all my goals, and one of them was writing more. So my focus in February, the anniversary month of my blog, is to get back to the thing I love doing most. Which is telling you all about the shitty things my brain says to me and then eating a lot of chocolate to deal with it.
I’m back, bitches. For reals this time.
Highest Form of Whit 
I get this as well! Practically abandoned my blog for two months because of it. I am back in to the swing of things now though 🙂 Hope you can stay consistent, I love you’re blog!
Thanks, Jodie! The plan is to dive back into it!
I suppose I’m going straight to Hell for enjoying this post, but I get a little lift from knowing that a much more established blogger has many of the same insecure thoughts that I do.
PS: Thanks for explaining what a Passion Planner is – had I seen something with that title in one of my daughters’ houses, I would have wondered.
Hey, Anxiety Voice! You’re dumb and everything you say is stupid. No one likes you; go play by yourself.
Also, I offer up all the candidates for mocking. It’s a lot more fun than voting for (any of) them, and it might find you new readers.
Oh, don’t you worry, I’m planning on it.
I’m having that I-need-to-blog-I-need-to-blog-I-need-to-effing-blog nagging voice like ALL THE TIME. Thank you for posting this, which is plenty motivation that together we as writers can conquer the desire to create & blog happily ever after. Good luck with your passion planner (which sorta sounds like s journal for sex goals).
ALISSA! HI I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU.
Just so you know, I’d be happy to read anything you will write about Ted Cruz, that lovable Canadian wacko bird.
You sure do have a broad definition of “lovable!”
I feel the same. Mostly I publish Harry Potter fan fiction in about 7 or 8 paragraphs at a time. Hoping someone is interested enough to read the next 7 or 8 or maybe even past stories that were also done in whole or in part. I also did one combining the universe of the Hallows stories( adult fiction) with the Warriors stories(children’s fiction). Since most fan fiction requires that the reader be somewhat familiar with worlds being dealt with, my audience appears to be small. I do like your blogs and hope you enjoy mine.
Haha passion planning sounds like a sex calendar for married couples. I digress, love this post, especially the bit about Cruz.
Doesn’t it, though? OH MY GOD. But it’s so helpful!
I, too, teach very little this semester. I, too, am getting back into my writing. I, too, wonder if anyone reads my blog. If we’re as similar as I think we are, you’re doing both okay and terribly right now. With blogging, I start drafts IN the WordPress blog so it feels like a baby start. For fiction writing, I have a standing 7-9 date with myself at a cafe every Tuesday. I picked Tuesday because that’s when my writing group used to meet, but I got mad at them and quit.
If I start a draft in WordPress, I NEVER get to it. It’s a problem.
Everyone has anxiety voice (well everyone I know!) Anxiety voice can buzz off. Your very funny just referring to this as we all nod and agree as we have all been there! Don’t hold back girl!
Don’t stop, never give up, and other encouraging things! I go through this cycle every 3 months or so. I also recently finished my first novel and shopping it around is like a cycle of roundhouse kicks to the ego. So, I feel you (especially on the adult acne), and want you to keep going!
Oh my god my novel has been with an agent since September and every few months he tells me, “I’m enjoying it! I’ll get back to you soon!” And then he doesn’t.
WHY IS THAT A THING, JESUS.
This comment is amazing.
Your anxiety voice sounds like sort of a dick, but whatever. More people would read your blog, if you posted a picture of yourself in knee high green socks lifting heavy weights. I know I would come by more often for sure, and really, isn’t that all that matters? Hope you’re doing well!
Please, if you would spare the time, take a look at my post: https://pardonmyblogs.wordpress.com/2016/02/05/black-enough/
My recent project ‘Black Enough’ highlights social injustices, humorous incidents and aims to tackle a few of life’s hardships with a light series of blog posts.
I really do hope that you are inspired to read it.
God bless