Fourth of Ju-Lame

Listen. I’m not about to get all Debbie Downer on you, but I have some problems with the 4th of July. Mainly, it tends to inspire blind patriotism. Lots of shouts of “‘MERICA!” and copious amounts of burnt cow and pig and probably too much booze. Definitely too much booze. I even had a booze or […]

Get Down with the Sickness

I returned to the state that bore me, and hoped it would welcome me into it’s mountainous bosom. You know what I got instead? A fucking sinus infection. The first sinus infection I ever had was so painful that I literally could not move my face. I’ll state that again, because it’s ridiculous: I could not […]

Top 5 Things I Learned in Graduate School

Part two of a two-part series. Here we go! 5. Routine is really, really important. I’m still learning this one, and it’s really difficult. But a lot of what I did over the school year was get my homework done the night before or the hours before class, and turn in a story that I […]

10 Things I Learned in Graduate School (Year One)

10. Graduate programs really, really differ depending on what your focus is. My biffle Batman had 30 page finals and conferences to attend and research to do and calculations to run. Me? Oh, I ate dinner with my classmates and we talked about our writing a little bit. That’s not to say what I did […]

Seriously, Brain?

I woke up yesterday drenched in a cold sweat. My fists were clenched into balls and my arms were crossed. I have a lot of nightmares, so I’m used to waking up like that. What I’m not used to is having a really, really dumb nightmare. But, in all honesty, I should probably expect that […]

Live A Little

Welcome back, friends! Back where? you ask, confused. You didn’t go anywhere. I went somewhere. You know, for a person who generally doesn’t like going out, meeting new people, trying adventure sports without an ambulance and a stretcher waiting nearby, spending money, or getting out of my comfort bubble, sometimes I really surprise myself. And then […]

OkCupid Diaries, Part 3: Gullible is Written on the Ceiling

Apparently, sarcasm and gentle redirection are not things this person understands. Also, we are a 10% match. That means I would literally probably hate him and want to do nothing but give him wedgies until he went away or was in too much pain to walk and instead had to roll away. Are manners too […]

OkCupid Diaries: Really, Men Of the World?

Open letter to the men of OkCupid: Dear Sirs, Please note that the reason I keep my OkCupid account around is because I find it incredibly entertaining. You have shown to me that your inability to read is only exceeded by your desire to stick your thing into my thing. On my profile, I specifically state […]

Hold On a Second, My Allergies are Acting Up

Guys, I’m about to lay a sloppy truth kiss all over your faces. There will be tongue involved, and it will be wet: Are you ready? Are you sure you’re ready? Okay, but this is your last chance to get out before things get real. Life can be hard. […]

Hot Tamales

The other night I made chili. Delicious decision, you say, with a bubble pipe hanging out of the corner of your mouth. And indeed it was. The recipe called for roasted peppers, and I roasted those suckers over the open flame of my gas stove like I was born to do it; and maybe I […]