Open letter to the men of OkCupid:
Please note that the reason I keep my OkCupid account around is because I find it incredibly entertaining. You have shown to me that your inability to read is only exceeded by your desire to stick your thing into my thing. On my profile, I specifically state that I like people who are articulate, that I don’t want you to say something you’d say to me at a bar, and I ONLY WANT FRIENDS.
So, please, do yourselves a favor and stop messaging me things like, “heyyy.” I don’t know why it always has to be three Y’s. Why can’t it be four? Why can’t it be one, with a sentence following it, something that isn’t “how are u?”? Why can’t it be like, “heyyy, I would really love to grab some coffee and discuss the mythology of Lord of the Rings with you while simultaneously bashing Peter Jackson’s disastrous adaptation of The Hobbit” ? Why can’t you message me something like, “HURRY DEAR GOD THE T-REX IS DESTROYING MY BEGONIAS AND I NEED YOUR HELP!” instead of, “heyy, I found ur profile really interesting if u want 2 get to kno me message me bak ur really sexy” ?
I challenge you, men of OkCupid, to read through the profiles of the women you want to put your thing into. I challenge you to start a conversation with something that isn’t perverted, asinine, or mind-blowingly boring. In return, I will stop ignoring your messages and being snarky when I get something like this:
PS–Never change, OkCupid.