Doomsday Phobia: Haikus

It’s December two-two And here I am, still breathing Can you say buzzkill? LA got it wrong The world ended years ago with new Die Hard films Those silly Mayans All that crazy sacrifice And nothing happened The politicians hoped to die and thus avoid the fiscal cliff talks

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Travel Tip #1: Haikus

Batman fights crime and I fight bad attitudes and together we win Delta Airlines is limbo for world travelers and eats people’s souls Delta Airlines should be called Delta Disasters: Fuck Your Travel Plans gingerbread cookies can only soothe a troubled mind to an extent   AND COMING SOON: Travel Diaries #2: Amsterdamnit, part one! […]

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Bromidrosiphobia: Haikus

Went to college, learned “Bromidrosiphobia” is the fear of frats. Body odor is the only excuse for guys to dress like douchebags Pit stains are the root of all evil the world look at uniforms Birth control is great for making you pretty and for making you dead        

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Cleithrophobia: Haikus

The scary thing is, Dipshit HornyMcBoyfriend wasn’t very good Locked in a basement, I started to contemplate cannibalism I lost track of time my Winnie The Pooh sweatshirt started to constrict I wonder if Miss Shitty McShouldn’tWatchKids ever felt regret And people wonder why basements are so scary to little children

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Pediophobia: Haikus

Glassy-eyed demons wait for the children to sleep to launch their attack Josefina took poorly my comparison to that Samara Nip the Cat did not take to the cause well he’s in Fido’s mouth

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