I have told this story millions of times. I have written in approximately thirty times. I condensed those thirty pages into one piece. And then I edited and revised the shit out of it, because that’s what it takes to be a real writer. (That’s what the professionals tell me, anyway. A lot of the […]Read More Once Upon a Time
I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve also forgotten a lot (like how to properly fold clothes, or get up before 8 in the morning). I thought I’d share that with you on this day of days. 2014 started out with a lot of puke. And the discovery that I was, in fact, allergic to […]Read More 2014 Wasn’t Shitty: A Year in Review
We did it. Rather, you did it. I just occasionally typed some things and made myself giggle and hopefully made you giggle, too. And it worked. Because you know what, we just reached 10,000 followers last week. Let me say that again: TEN-THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING FOLLOWERS THAT ARE SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN I WILL EVER BE. […]Read More I love you guys. No, really.
I returned to the state that bore me, and hoped it would welcome me into it’s mountainous bosom. You know what I got instead? A fucking sinus infection. The first sinus infection I ever had was so painful that I literally could not move my face. I’ll state that again, because it’s ridiculous: I could not […]Read More Get Down with the Sickness
Part two of a two-part series. Here we go! 5. Routine is really, really important. I’m still learning this one, and it’s really difficult. But a lot of what I did over the school year was get my homework done the night before or the hours before class, and turn in a story that I […]Read More Top 5 Things I Learned in Graduate School
10. Graduate programs really, really differ depending on what your focus is. My biffle Batman had 30 page finals and conferences to attend and research to do and calculations to run. Me? Oh, I ate dinner with my classmates and we talked about our writing a little bit. That’s not to say what I did […]Read More 10 Things I Learned in Graduate School (Year One)
Apparently, sarcasm and gentle redirection are not things this person understands. Also, we are a 10% match. That means I would literally probably hate him and want to do nothing but give him wedgies until he went away or was in too much pain to walk and instead had to roll away. Are manners too […]Read More OkCupid Diaries, Part 3: Gullible is Written on the Ceiling
A few days ago, I was completely shocked and astonished when I checked my blog and noticed that we had past the 5,000 followers mark. FIVE-THOUSAND PEOPLE FOLLOW ME?! Holy balls. That’s a lot. It’s an incredible feeling to know that this little blog that I started a year and a half ago has created […]Read More The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (And the Whitney)
Generalized Anxiety Disorder and surprises don’t go well together. As a child, my brothers capitalized on this: they would wait, patiently, silently, behind doors or corners and pop out to yell in my face. It worked like a charm and produced the desired effect of tears, and made me paranoid to the point where I […]Read More Surprise!
Ah, If Historical Figures Were Alive Today. How I’ve missed you. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a psychic medium able to communicate with the dead. that’s approximately 90% bullshit and 10% truth. The 10% comes from all the times I played the Ace Game or with the Ouiji board in middle school. […]Read More If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: Richard Pryor