Once Upon a Time

I have told this story millions of times. I have written in approximately thirty times. I condensed those thirty pages into one piece. And then I edited and revised the shit out of it, because that’s what it takes to be a real writer. (That’s what the professionals tell me, anyway. A lot of the […]

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I love you guys. No, really.

We did it. Rather, you did it. I just occasionally typed some things and made myself giggle and hopefully made you giggle, too. And it worked. Because you know what, we just reached 10,000 followers last week. Let me say that again: TEN-THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING FOLLOWERS THAT ARE SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN I WILL EVER BE. […]

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Get Down with the Sickness

I returned to the state that bore me, and hoped it would welcome me into it’s mountainous bosom. You know what I got instead? A fucking sinus infection. The first sinus infection I ever had was so painful that I literally could not move my face. I’ll state that again, because it’s ridiculous: I could not […]

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Generalized Anxiety Disorder and surprises don’t go well together. As a child, my brothers capitalized on this: they would wait, patiently, silently, behind doors or corners and pop out to yell in my face. It worked like a charm and produced the desired effect of tears, and made me paranoid to the point where I […]

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