You’re A Writer, Aren’t You?

I have tried to sit down to write this post like a zillion times and then my Anxiety Voice kicks in and gives me the sweats. Like this: Hey, Whitney. No one reads your blog anymore. Literally, no one. You’ve fallen from your position as a recommended humor writer and everyone thinks you suck because […]

National Blog Writing Month

This is like a month of panic attacks handed to me on a nice silver platter by an old white (and obviously) British butler whose name is Failure. (Imagine Michael Caine as Alfred perpetually disapproving of everything I do, and you’ll see what’s in my brain.) But, since I’ve had trouble with follow through lately, and […]

The Neverending Panic Attack Story

Things No One Tells Anxious People About Owning Their Own Home: Buying the home isn’t the expensive part. I mean, yes, it costs a lot of money and the down payment is scary and the mortgage is this looming paper mache monster (made out of bills, obvi) that looks like the sand dune at the […]

The Problem of Urgency: Stories from #AWP15, Part One

A week ago, I was on a panel at the AWP Conference. That panel was Why Did You Write That? The Problem of Urgency and I honestly think the Universe wanted to give me some good writing material to work with, as my whole goddamned weekend was a problem of urgency. Let’s get the easy stuff […]

Once Upon a Time

I have told this story millions of times. I have written in approximately thirty times. I condensed those thirty pages into one piece. And then I edited and revised the shit out of it, because that’s what it takes to be a real writer. (That’s what the professionals tell me, anyway. A lot of the […]

2014 Wasn’t Shitty: A Year in Review

I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve also forgotten a lot (like how to properly fold clothes, or get up before 8 in the morning). I thought I’d share that with you on this day of days. 2014 started out with a lot of puke. And the discovery that I was, in fact, allergic to […]

I love you guys. No, really.

We did it. Rather, you did it. I just occasionally typed some things and made myself giggle and hopefully made you giggle, too. And it worked. Because you know what, we just reached 10,000 followers last week. Let me say that again: TEN-THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING FOLLOWERS THAT ARE SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN I WILL EVER BE. […]

Get Down with the Sickness

I returned to the state that bore me, and hoped it would welcome me into it’s mountainous bosom. You know what I got instead? A fucking sinus infection. The first sinus infection I ever had was so painful that I literally could not move my face. I’ll state that again, because it’s ridiculous: I could not […]

Top 5 Things I Learned in Graduate School

Part two of a two-part series. Here we go! 5. Routine is really, really important. I’m still learning this one, and it’s really difficult. But a lot of what I did over the school year was get my homework done the night before or the hours before class, and turn in a story that I […]

10 Things I Learned in Graduate School (Year One)

10. Graduate programs really, really differ depending on what your focus is. My biffle Batman had 30 page finals and conferences to attend and research to do and calculations to run. Me? Oh, I ate dinner with my classmates and we talked about our writing a little bit. That’s not to say what I did […]