If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: Van Gogh and Gauguin

Van Gogh appears painting furiously as usual. Enter Gauguin.
Gauguin: Vincent.
Van Gogh ignores him.
Gauguin: Vincent!
Van Gogh continues, gliding his fingers on the surface of something, even more furiously.
Van Gogh stops. He turns.
Van Gogh: What, is that supposed to be funny?
Gauguin: No, no–wait, I didn’t mean. I’m sorry, I–
Van Gogh: (interrupting) Oh, you didn’t mean it? You are such an inconsiderate asshole. My sunflowers never looked the same after you left, and now you want to pick up where we left of, living in a Co-Op in Brooklyn, pretending everything is hunky-dory? WELL, IT ISN’T. Sure, my clothes are seen as “hip” by these glasses-wearing, scarf-wearing, coffee-drinking, vintage-scouring nitwits, but I don’t belong here! This is miserable! I fucking hate everyone here! GOD DAMNIT WHY I AM I HERE?
Gauguin: (quietly) Jesus, you’re ear-itible today… get it?… get it?
Van Gogh: (pausereturns to painting furiously)

This painting is offended by that joke.

Gauguin: Damnit, Vincent, hear me out! It’s just Draw Something! It doesn’t need to be a masterpiece!
Van Gogh:… Well, you’re the one who couldn’t guess “wizard” right!
Van Gogh returns to his iPad, where he is currently Googling and drawing Lady Gaga at the same time.

6 thoughts on “If Historical Figures Were Alive Today: Van Gogh and Gauguin

    1. It was also thought that they were best friends, moving in together and inspiring each other (Gogh’s Sunflower paintings are supposedly when they moved in and everything was hunky dory). And during one of their fights, at a time when Van Gogh was particularly unstable, he cut off his ear in a demonstration of his frustration.

      So, basically, no one really knows.

  1. Van Gogh dreamed of starting a great painters colony in Arles. He invited Gaugin, who had to basically be paid off by Vincent’s brother Theo to show up. Gaugin spent his time in Arles being a drunken lout and left early. There is a theory that Gaugin may have sliced off Van Gogh’s ear during a duel.

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