Thanksgiving is for Sissies

Now, now, don’t get your turkey feathers in a bunch.


Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. It’s a day you get to spend with family (or those you’ve chosen as family) and just be together, all the while eating glutinous amounts of food. Which is why this year, I’m spending it with one person I love and a bunch of strangers, eating goodness knows what. IRONNNYYYY.


Thanksgiving is for sissies because it’s a day for people too lazy to acknowledge what they are thankful or grateful for in their every day lives. Thanksgiving forces these people to voice their gratitude. It’s like the Dentist Visit of Kindness. It pulls friendliness out of people’s mouths and makes them giggle. It’s gratitude Novocaine.


English: Dentist drilling a girls tooth
If only I could get my friends and family to feed me this way on Thanksgiving. I would accomplish Master Laziness.


Voicing gratitude is a part of my every day experience. It’s a ritual that both alleviates my anxiety (to an extent, let’s be real here) and makes me and others happy. Sometimes I wake up and look at the ceiling and think: man, I’m so fucking grateful for ceilings. They are SO. NICE.
No, I’m not joking. Where would we be without ceilings? Outside in the cold. GETTING RAINED ON DURING OUR MORNING NAKED BOOTY DANCE PARTIES. Or is that just a fear that I have?


Some other things I acknowledge my gratitude for: Pants, because no one wants to see everyone pantsless! Chocolate, because duh! Dogs, because double duh! Hand-holding, snuggles, cheese, books, sunlight, a good pen, some good paper, my health, boobs, grass, and high-fives! Friends! Family! Naps!


There’s so much to be thankful for, and acknowledging it all the time makes you a happier person. It’s scientifically proven.


Now, if only us Americans could separate gluttony of gratitude from gluttony of food and Black Friday Shopping.


I fucking hate Black Friday. I hate that it’s ruined an otherwise beautiful holiday. And I hate that it separates families by making employees work on Thanksgiving night. I also hate it because it is the exact opposite of a grateful activity. People get trampled to death. I mean, what the fuck is that about? Spend the entire weekend being grateful and loving with your family instead of frenzied and rude at the malls. Thanksgiving has become a holiday for sissies because it provides them with the fuel to wait in line at Best Buy until midnight to punch strangers in the face to buy that new X-box game for their child. GO HOME.


Thanksgiving should never end. But Black Friday should be punched in the gonads.


mad air.




What are you grateful for every day and today especially?


23 thoughts on “Thanksgiving is for Sissies

  1. I’m thankfully for the silly people of the world! I’m thankful for a bloggers! I’m thankful for love and kindness. And I’m thankful for my cozy pajamas and slippers. Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. I wonder how often the Thanksgiving “Black Friday” is Friday the 13th? (Which is what I know as a “black Friday”.) I am thankful for Wikipedia.
    Have a great day and don’t go shopping early!

  3. Everyday I’m grateful for shoes, and today I am most thankful for family because without them I wouldn’t have food.

  4. Whit,
    So I’m not American, AND I’m not a big fan of where a great deal of this holiday comes from… BUT, I am grateful and thankful for you, our friendship, and for what we’re about to embark on together in 2014…
    Le Clown

  5. There’s a lot of things that I’m grateful for. Air, water, sunlight, and the fact that I’m still alive to feel gratitude for that. And ceilings, definitely ceilings.

  6. It’s not black here at all. Quite sunny, actually (Florida). My honey seriously considered heading to Best Buy today for a 10 a.m. HP laptop buy. I spared his life by talking him out of it. Yeah, me, yeah you, yeah all of us grateful non-shoppers!

      1. Hey dere:
        I’m thankful for my life, my friends, my family. Thinking of you, dear Niece. I look at the crochet keychain you made me all those years ago and smile.
        Aunt R

  7. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving where. I live. But I guess I’m thankful for my mouth and digestive system because that enables me to eat. And trust me food is like my soul mate. Happy belated Thanksgiving. Cheers 🙂

  8. Reblogged this on A Thankful Mom and commented:
    I was going to write another thankful post on Thanksgiving, but found myself too busy hosting a turkey dinner for 10 and worrying about whether or not the brisket I bought would be enough for 12 two days later. Never again am I hosting two holiday dinners in three days. Of course, never again will Hanukah and Thanksgiving will meet on the calendar.
    Before sitting down to write a thankful post, I went through my reader and found this by Whit. She shares the same views I have on Black Friday (which I was going to sneak into my post) and she discusses gratefulness… which is supposed to be the theme of my blog (I know I get side-tracked easily). Thus, I am reblogging a post that writes everything I wanted to say, but better. Thank you Whit!

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