Since Donald Trump is still in the running–is still considered to be a “viable” candidate–I have decided to take it upon myself to create a weekly segment in which I tear him up like the piece of beef jerky that he is.
On this week’s segment of #TrumpedThursdays, we’re going to talk about how dumb he is and also how dumb his supporters are. Which is probably not a nice thing to say, because I’m sure some of his supporters are lovely people who aren’t nazis, but, like, most of them seem like they want to be nazis.
I don’t like nazis. I dislike them so much I refuse to capitalize the word, because I’m rebelling against their awfulness. That, or I’m lazy. I’ll leave that up to you to decide.
Anyhoo, a few weeks ago, an interesting article came out from Politico. Politico is, if you didn’t know this already, a slightly right-leaning political (GASP) publication.
Fun fact about me: Politico used to be my homepage.
Oh? That’s not a fun fact? Well, you shut your whore mouth, then, sassy internet commenter who doesn’t exist because all my commenters are awesome and not in the least bit whorish.
Since I have degrees in Political Science AND English, I feel like I’m probably the most perfectest person to write a piece talking about how and why Donald Trump and his Dumb Ass Supporters are Dumb.
(I’m drafting my Pulitzer speech based on that title alone. You’re welcome, world.)
The article basically says that the best predictor of whether or not you like Donald Trump is whether or not you want an authoritarian regime. Like, a dictatorship. Like hitler. (I didn’t capitalize his name because he’s a bastard and a shitty artist.)
See, authoritarians are like the Trolls of the Internet, but in real life and wielding actual influence. They get super hyper defensive about their candidate and like to alienate people and are aggressive to the point where you should be rightly worried that they’ve been injected with some, like, ancient sabertooth mating hormone.
Basically, all these people like Trump because he “says what he wants” and will “do whatever it takes,” which is regular politician speak for “IS FUCKING CRAZY AND ALSO LOOKS LIKE MAZ’S BUMHOLE.”
All the people who support Trump are fed up with the way the government “works.” And instead of, you know, doing the “responsible citizen” thing and voting out all the members of Congress that are impeding progress, they’d rather have Beef Jerky McButthole wipe his ass with the constitution and be done with it.
It’s really just American laziness at its most profound. These people want the gridlock to go away. But instead of doing any actual legwork themselves, they’ll just hand it over to Beef Jerky McButthole (that’s now his new name) and give up everybody’s rights in order to build a wall that will end up keeping us in instead of keeping people out.
Also, the amount of stupidity it requires for Trump to think that any member of any party would support him as president is mind-blowing. I’m pretty sure it would be the one time the country would be one-hundred percent united: nothing would get done under a Trump presidency, unless he somehow managed to get the branches of the military to agree with him.
Here’s to hoping that doesn’t happen.