Conversations With Anxiety: Eight Legged Freaks

I was sitting on the couch next to Atreyu playing spider solitaire–oh my God, I didn’t realize the hilarity of that until this moment–when I glanced down at my cleavage… Stop judging me. I am wont to do that sometimes, as I assume lots of ladies are. Or maybe I’m special because my brain feels […]

National Blog Writing Month

This is like a month of panic attacks handed to me on a nice silver platter by an old white (and obviously) British butler whose name is Failure. (Imagine Michael Caine as Alfred perpetually disapproving of everything I do, and you’ll see what’s in my brain.) But, since I’ve had trouble with follow through lately, and […]

A Quarter Century in Review, Part 2

The top 5 things I’ve learned in my 25 years on this planet. Man, that’s a challenge. I hope you guys don’t expect me to be like super duper profound right now because all I can think about is how I need to go grocery shopping since literally the only thing I have left to […]

25: A Quarter Century In Review

I’ve been 25 for four whole weeks now, without once shaving off all my hair (just the half that’s already shaved, thank you), or buying a sports car, or–more realistically–buying out the local Whole Foods of all the chocolate and chocolate-related foodstuffs and eating them guiltily in a corner while Atreyu looks at me thinking, maybe […]

Once Upon a Time

I have told this story millions of times. I have written in approximately thirty times. I condensed those thirty pages into one piece. And then I edited and revised the shit out of it, because that’s what it takes to be a real writer. (That’s what the professionals tell me, anyway. A lot of the […]

Head on Over to Brews and Views

A week ago a STRANGER emailed me. Thankfully that email didn’t contain any puppy gifs or I’d probably be cyberkidnapped. But that stranger wanted to interview me! So, readers, friends, family, mortal enemies… head on over to Brews and Views to learn a little bit more about yours truly. PS–The semester is over and I’m […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: It’s FAAAAAALLLLLLLL

Are there sharks on land? Because I swear to God, the Jaws theme-song has been pounding in my ears for weeks now. Or maybe that’s just my heartbeat. Duh-nuh. Duh-nuh duh-nuh. Duh-nuh duh-nuh duh-nuh duh-nuh DUHNUHNUH. My anxiety level has held steady lately at Code Horror Movie, and my inner voice that says all sorts of […]

I have a theory

about cars. You know, those giant machines of destruction that we pretend are for transportation? Yeah, those. Have you ever noticed how being in a car turns you into an unaccountable rage monster? Like, someone cuts you off in traffic, and you yell terrible things like, “WHAT THE BALL-BURN ARE YOU THINKING YOU SHIT […]

Real Talk: The Wonderful Thing About Triggers

Is Triggers are Wonderful things… Just kidding. Triggers fucking suck. What is a trigger, you ask? Good question. I didn’t start hearing the term myself until this past fall, and then it made sense. A trigger is a reminder of a troubling event, thus triggering negative emotions. Pretty obvious. I’m surprised I hadn’t heard that term sooner, […]

It’s All About Perspective

Third Annual Clottiversary It’s easy to complain about life, because shit can get hard sometimes. It’s like, man, my love life is in shambles because dating mustachioed cyborgs isn’t that rewarding and I owe back taxes for 400 years and I have this wedgie that I cannot pick out for the life of me; literally, […]