Over-dosed and Crippled by Alzheimer’s (Daily Conversations with Anxiety)

Every morning I stand and look at the drawer that holds my pills. Did I take these yet? Yes. Are you sure? No. So, I should take them again? Well… If you accidentally double your dose, you’ll probably die. I take SERTRALINE. Not, like, Vicodin or something. Yeah, but you’re super sensitive to medication. You’ll […]

When I Open My Eyes (Daily Conversations With Anxiety)

The ghost that haunts your house will be standing at the foot of your bed again, watching you sleep. No, she won’t. Also… I’m going to pretend there’s no ghost here, thanks. No, seriously. Open your eyes. She is STARING RIGHT AT YOU. Oh my god, is she licking her lips? Whitney, you’ve got to […]

Daily Conversations with Anxiety: Insecurity

What if he doesn’t like you? Anxiety, he flew 1900 miles to spend the weekend with me. He’s one of my best friends. Yeah, but what if he’s just using you? He’s just using you. You know that, right? Nobody ever really likes you. You are really annoying sometimes, brain. HE FLEW TO SEE ME! […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: You’re Grossing Everyone Out

Mhmm, that’s right, uh-huh, oh NO. Fix yourself girl, you’ve got a cameltoe! The lyrics to the song get stuck in my head whenever I’m at the gym. Which is all the time, because, really, why not? I like exercise and it likes me. Except, of course for my clothing. I wear these: And I […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: I (Probably Don’t) Have Herpes

Is it possible to get Herpes on your leg? Like, on your knee? It could be bug bites. Or razor burn, I guess. But I’m about 90% sure that it’s Herpes.I would get Herpes on my knee. I’m just that lucky. Google tells me, probably not. But Google also tells me that it could be […]

Daily Conversations With Anxiety: I Killed My Dog

Atreyu ran back and forth from my roommate to myself, whining. He jumped up on the teal leather couch beside me, only to jump off and skitter onto the couch where my roommate was typing. He tried to climb into her lap. “He’s needy tonight,” I said. “I wonder what’s got him all riled up.” […]

Night Terrors

The electricity bill at my house growing up must have been quite a lot, because I rarely slept with the lights off. Lights out meant my dolls would come alive and plot my demise with my beanie babies. Lights out meant that the ghost in my bathtub would wander free. Lights out meant that the […]

The Day in the Life of an MFA Grad Student

7:30 AM. The alarm goes off. Snooze alarm until 8. Frantically shower, dress, feed yourself and your dog, take Atreyu for a walk. 9:15 AM. Leave for work. Arrive by 9:20. 9:30-11 AM. Sit in on your Contemporary Literature class. Take notes as to what the professor discusses and what your students discuss. Also, write […]

The Lowest Form of Whit

Ah, anger. Nice to see you again, Arch Nemesis. Anger is such a waste of space. Instead of the butterflies I normally have flitting about my stomach in fields of rainbow-flavored stomach acid, the past week I’ve had African Killer Bees buzzing around, flying out of my finger tips when I try to type, or […]

St. Christopher Says… Screw You

St. Christopher is the patron saint of travel. He’s the guy you pray to to make sure you arrive at location B safe and sound, and that your journey from A to B is full of exactly what you want it to be full of. He’s the one to make sure you don’t get a […]